


Scars

by orphan_account



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: AU: college-ish, AU: road trip, M/M, themes that might be triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-17
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2018-01-01 20:27:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1048233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian is returning home from University when he happens across a tall, blonde hitch-hiker asking for a lift. What follows is a story of trust, break-downs and a lot of kissing. Written for Understeers Fic Exchange.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scars

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to E as a thank you for putting up with all my freaking out / issues. And also for beta-ing and basically walking me through this whole fic. I couldn't have done it without you.

**SCARS**

_noun_

_1\. a mark left on the skin or within body tissue where a wound, burn, or sore has not healed completely and fibrous connective tissue has developed._

_\-------------------------_

Two days.

Two days of solid driving before he would be home again, home for another summer of family and love and laughter. It meant 48 hours of his own company in his beat-up twenty-year-old car, but he chose driving over flying for a reason - he’d rather be here, in control, taking in everything on the way. Planes never suited him, he was too confined, too restless for planes. So here he was, shoving the last box of belongings into the backseat of his car before saying farewell to his University house for another year. He’d be back again in the Autumn - he had one year left - so there were no heartfelt goodbyes just yet.

He ran a hand through his dirty blond hair and mentally went over his route in his mind one last time before buckling himself in and shifting into gear.

Sebastian loved driving.

\--------------------------

He was an hour and a half into his trip when he spotted him lingering on a kerb. Thumb jerked out into the road, backpack at his feet, sunglasses perched on his nose and wearing far too many layers for this time of year. Seb was cruising along a barely-used stretch of road and his first thought was _he’ll never get a lift out here…,_ swiftly followed by _no way am I giving him a lift out here._

But then he thought about it, who knew how long that guy had been standing there, maybe he should do ‘The Good Thing’ and give him a ride to wherever he was going and besides, that backpack was way too small to contain an axe. He tried to stop thinking about axes and various horror movies that started just like this. What was the worst that could happen? Okay, apart from sudden and violent death… _Do the good thing Sebastian, he’s probably not even going very far, help a dude out._

So that’s what he did, ignoring all the clamouring voices in the back of his head. He pulled the car over just past the hitchhiker and watched in his mirror as the guy hefted his backpack onto one shoulder and jogged towards him.

“Hi!” Seb said brightly as the door closed. “I’m Sebastian. Seb. Whichever.” He smiled what he hoped was his friendliest smile. Lots of teeth.

“Heikki.” Came the curt reply as the guy arranged himself into the passenger seat. He had a hint of an accent that Sebastian couldn’t place, definitely not from around here.

“Where are you going?”

“Crescent Hill.”

Hmm, that was almost as far as Seb’s hometown. He would be travelling with him for nearly the whole two days. Did he want that? Should he lie and say that he wasn’t going that far?

_Man up, Sebastian._

“Okay cool, I’m heading to Southport, so I can take you all the way there if you want.”

Heikki nodded and strapped himself in, never once taking off his sunglasses or the heavy woolen jumper that he wore. He placed his bag down by his feet, squeezing it into the small footwell that was mostly taken up by his long legs. Sebastian took one last look at him before resuming his drive - probably a couple of years older than him, with pale hair and paler skin complete with a jaw that was currently clenched so tightly shut that Seb feared that he’d hear the snapping of bones any second.

Sebastian drove. He turned the radio on to try and break the silence that stretched between them, which provoked a barely audible grunt from Heikki, but no other signs of conversation. Before long two hours had passed with no hints of activity from the other side of the car, the hitchhiker barely moved, didn’t speak and Sebastian was beginning to wonder if he had fallen asleep.

“Hey.” He said, turning the radio down. He didn’t wait for a response, and just kept his eyes on the road. “I figure that since we’re going to be stuck in this car for the next couple of days we should probably get to know each other, right?” He turned his head for a second then, to see if he had elicited any reaction from his passenger, and found Heikki’s head turned towards him, his mouth set in a grim line, and the hints of a frown visible above the frame of his sunglasses.

Seb faltered, facing the road again quickly. “Or not. Or whatever.” He fiddled with the radio knob to turn the music up. Only for Heikki to turn it down again after a minute.

“My name is Heikki, I’m going to visit a friend in Crescent Hill.”

_Thank you, Captain Obvious…_

“Okay, that’s a start! I’m going home for the summer, I go to Uni in Oakwood so I’m just travelling back from there to my parents house. It’s a long way but I love the journey so I chose to drive rather than fly.” Seb was babbling and he knew it, it was just nice to be able to _speak_ after two hours of silence. “I’ve never picked up a hitchhiker before, by the way. I don’t know why I stopped for you, to be honest. I guess I thought you’d be good company.”

He grinned at this, hoping that Heikki would get the joke and open up a bit more, but when he glanced over to him he found that he was still staring straight ahead, still unsmiling.

“So… Heikki… Do you go to Uni around here or something?” Ending with a question was sure to force him to talk.

Heikki shifted in his seat. “No. I was working on a farm but I chose to leave that and--”

He was interrupted by the loudest BANG that Sebastian had ever heard, he jumped a mile out of his seat as the car suddenly lost all power and completely shut down.

“Shit!” Seb wrestled with the steering wheel and wrenched his vehicle over to the side of the road where it trickled to a stop, the engine making sorry-sounding clucking sounds.

“Shit.” He squeezed his eyes shut as his head fell forward and thumped onto his arms. The next thing he heard was the sound of a door slamming.

“Pop the bonnet.” It was Heikki, standing at the front of the car, his image wafting in and out through the smoke that had begun to leak from the engine.

Seb pulled the lever to unlock the hood of the car and got out himself. No use in moping when perhaps he could be of some use. Heikki lifted the bonnet up with ease and hooked it up onto the latch, waving his hand to get some of the smoke out of the way. He gave one small cough and then took off his sunglasses in order to get a clearer look at the engine.

Sebastian stood alongside him and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

“How bad is it?” He asked tentatively. As much as he loved driving his old car, he knew nothing about the inner workings of it - hopefully Heikki did though.

“I don’t think I can fix it here. Do you have any tools that I could use?” And then he turned his head and looked at Seb. Actually looked at him, eye to eye, for the first time.

Sebastian’s breath hitched awkwardly.

This guy had the palest, bluest eyes that he had ever seen, like two chips of ice, or two pools of the purest water, or the sky on a cloudless winter’s day, or… or...

Seb’s eyes were blue too, but _nothing_ like his. Not even close.

It was unnerving.

And he was staring.

“Tools, Sebastian?”

Seb blushed and looked at the ground. What was wrong with him? “Uh, no I actually don’t think I do, I never really thought about keeping a toolkit in the car...”

Heikki frowned and ducked his head back down. “Okay well, I’ll see what I can do, but this car really is a heap of junk. I’m surprised it’s stayed on the road for this long.”

“Hey! That’s my car you’re talking about, and the car that’s going to get you to Crescent Hill and if you don’t like it then you can just--”

Heikki made a sound, and it was only after Seb had paused in his rant to breathe that he realised it was a laugh. Heikki was _laughing_  at him.

“It was a joke, you should lighten up.”

Seb gaped like a fish. This was the most emotion he’d gotten out of his passenger all day. He supposed he should take is as a good sign, maybe this journey wouldn’t pass in stony silence after all. If they ever made it home, that is.

Heikki was poking and twisting several parts of the dirty engine, occasionally hissing and recoiling when he touched something that was still hot. Sebastian felt pretty useless to tell the truth, just standing idly by, kicking pebbles with the toes of his shoes. What would he do if they couldn’t get the car fixed? He didn’t have any breakdown cover, it would probably cost him a bomb and at this time of the year he definitely didn’t have any money left… He mentally crossed his fingers that Heikki knew something about engines and that he could fix whatever was wrong. But it seemed highly unlikely due to the lack of proper tools and from the angry grunts that were coming from the front end of the car. Interspersed between these noises were a selection of what Seb could only assume were foreign swear words.

“What language is that?” He piped up.

Heikki didn’t look at him, kept working with blackened fingers deep amongst the metal. “Finnish. I’m from Finland.”

Ah, that explained the hint of an accent. “How long have you been here?”

“About five years, I left when I was eighteen.”

Sebastian sensed a story there but didn’t want to push him just when he was starting to open up and have a (kind of) conversation with him. He sat down in the dirt to the left of his car and pulled his knees up to his chest. A quick glance at his watch told him that almost an hour had gone by since they’d stopped, and during that time about three cars had gone by. The route between Oakwood and Southport was not the busiest of roads. His stomach rumbled noisily as a reminder of how long it had been since he last ate.

He saw the corner of Heikki’s mouth quirk upwards.

“Sorry,” Seb mumbled. “Do you think you’re going to be much longer?”

Heikki straightened up and wiped his dirty hands on his jeans, he was still wearing his thick jumper despite the fact that this late afternoon sun was still hot and he’d obviously been working very hard.

“Try it now, actually.” He said, nodding towards the driver’s side.

Sebastian clambered to his feet and sat back in the car. He turned the key hesitantly. _Please please please please._

There was a heart-stopping moment when the engine did a little splutter but soon it was roaring back into life with a hearty snarl.

“Yes!” Sebastian yelled, leaping back out of the open driver’s side door. Heikki saw his glee and smiled back in return - a _real smile_  that reached his impossible eyes - but then he seemed to realise what he was doing and the grin withered and died on his face. He turned away and pulled the bonnet back down with a thud.

“It should be okay for a while, but all I did was tighten everything with my fingers and reconnected everything that should have been connected. It won’t last.” He said it like a warning, killing Sebastian’s cheerful mood instantly. This guy really was a buzzkill. “Come on, let’s get going.”

They both got back into the car - Sebastian relishing the sweet sound of his noisy old engine - and headed off again down the mostly deserted road.

\---------------------------

They had travelled for about ten miles when Seb noticed that Heikki hadn’t put his sunglasses back on, and that he was cradling his oil-stained left hand in his lap.

“Hey is your hand okay?” He took his eyes off the rapidly darkening road for a second to see Heikki’s reaction. His blond head tilted down and he stared unflinchingly at his palm.

“Nothing bad, just caught it in the car. It’s okay. Stings.” He sighed and looked back out of the window.

Seb wasn’t going to let that go. “You should have said you were hurt, I’m pretty sure I have a small first aid kit in the boot somewhere, and I kind of owe you for getting us moving again.” He paused. “When we stop will you let me look at it?” He asked as he didn’t think Heikki was the type of guy who would allow him to fuss over a cut without permission first. Seb was always fussing. He had gotten a kind of reputation for it back at Uni, always being the perfectionist, always making sure everyone was okay. _“Always being a little bit annoying”_  his friend Tommy would say.

“You don’t owe me anything. You’re driving me, it was the least I could do to fix the car.”

“But you will let me look at your hand?”

Heikki let out an exaggerated sigh. “Yes, you can look at my hand.”

\---------------------------

And that was how they found themselves perched on the open boot of the car, under the orange glare of a streetlight, parked up in a service station car park. Seb had managed to dig out a first aid kit from beneath his pile of black sacks filled with clothes and was assembling a line of items he could use - wipes, plasters, disinfectant, gauze bandages.

Heikki held his left hand close to his body, cocooned in his right one. Seb still hadn’t seen the extent of the wound, but the lack of gushing blood was a good sign. Heikki was sat very still, breathing steadily, his gaze unfocused as if he was thinking about something else entirely. Sebastian watched him. He still had a smudge of dirt along the line of his (almost constantly clenched) jaw, contrasting with his hair that seemed to glow under the lamplight. His uncanny eyes - turned colourless in this pseudo-light - were staring straight ahead, unblinking. Sebastian had the feeling that he could probably get up and leave right now and Heikki likely wouldn’t even notice. What was going on in this man’s head? He’d never known someone to be such a closed book around him before.

“Okay give me your hand, let’s see the damage.” Seb held out his palms outstretched, waiting.

Heikki seemed to visibly snap out of his trance and refocused his stare on Seb. It was like being hit by a solar flare, the force of that look coupled with the close proximity made something in his gut twitch involuntarily. Something completely unknown and out of the blue ignited in his core and Sebastian was thoroughly thrown, his whole world suddenly skewing to the side.

_I,_ he thought, _am in trouble._

The Finn unfurled his hands and gave Seb his left one to tend to. Sebastian tried to pull his thoughts back into a coherent stream but the skin-on-skin contact threatened to short circuit him completely. He cursed his trembling fingers. Heikki’s hand was filthy, and there was an angry welt running across the meat of his thumb. Seb knew that it had to be cleaned up before he could cover it so got to work carefully wiping it down with a sterile wipe. They both sat in silence as Sebastian stroked the wet cloth across Heikki’s hand over and over again, pouring every ounce of his concentration into getting all the embedded dirt out of the lines on Heikki’s palm. He fell into a rhythm - slow, steady strokes easing their way across the rough skin, picking up all the grime, the slightest amount of pressure needed. He glanced up just once to see Heikki’s eyes closed and the smooth lines of his face thrown into shadow. He looked down again immediately, cheeks burning.

When the grime and oil were mostly gone, Seb sat back and got a good look at the cut. It wasn’t deep, it was just long and looked very sore and pink. He tipped some antiseptic onto a cotton wool ball.

“This is probably going to sting, sorry.” He mumbled, avoiding looking up for fear of being lasered into unconsciousness. He felt the hand in his palm tense slightly, then dabbed at the wound softly. Heikki inhaled with a hiss but didn’t so much as flinch as Sebastian cleaned. Seb’s left hand - the one that was holding Heikki’s - tingled under the weight and he was sure that he could feel their pulses. Slightly out of sync but equally as fast and erratic. Like two birds fluttering just under their respective skin. He stopped dabbing and just _looked_  at their hands. His own appearing so small trying to cradle Heikki’s, his thin fingers curling around the edges like the petals of a flower. Heikki’s work on the farm had obviously been hard, as the pink skin beneath the dirt was rough and calloused. And there was so _much_  of it, his own palm seemingly dwarfed underneath the expanse. He moved his thumb ever so slightly, because he wanted so badly to feel that rough skin with his own.. It was then that Seb noticed that Heikki’s woolen jumper had ridden up his wrist slightly, exposing yet more pale skin but also revealing a thick angry belt of scar tissue.

Sebastian’s felt his eyes widen and Heikki snatched his hand away from him with such force that he actually fell forwards, only managing to catch himself at the last minute.

“I’m sorry, I--” He started to say, his brain trying to recover from being overwhelmed by _handsskintouchSCARS._

“I can do the rest, thank you.” Heikki tore off a piece of bandage and wrapped it roughly around his hand, shifting his weight so that he was facing away from Sebastian.

“Right, of course.” Seb managed to say, flustered. He had to change the subject. “Are you hungry? There’s a place here we could eat at, maybe…”

Heikki finished wrapping up his hand and remained silent.

“Or you can go get your own food I guess, if you want, I mean, don’t feel obliged to stay with me just because I’m your driver--”

Heikki’s shoulders visibly lifted in a huge sigh before he stood up, making the car wobble with the change in weight balance. He turned back to face Seb, initially with a frown marring his features but it seemed like he forced himself to flatten it out, to calm himself down. Sebastian wondered if he felt the same kind of weird silent connection as Seb just had.

“Sure. Food sounds good.” Heikki said.

\---------------------------

Dinner turned out to be a couple of burgers at a fast food place, which then turned into a couple of drinks at a nearby bar, and then a few more drinks as the night went on. Sebastian found himself gradually prying open Heikki’s shell as the evening progressed, even making him laugh at several points, seeing those cold eyes light up because of _him_  made something quiver in Seb’s insides and more than once he caught himself staring. At his hands, his lips, at the join between his jaw and his earlobe (that was his favourite part).

He learned that Heikki left Finland before he could move onto further education (he never specified why), and that he’d been making his way across the country ever since - never settling down, never staying in one place for long. Apart from the year that he spent with a girl back East, early on, when he was still fresh from Finland and didn’t know much English. That year was where the scars came from, but he never talked about how or why, just that they were there. Apparently there were still some things that he kept hidden even when inebriated.

Sebastian on the other hand was not quite so secretive, he found himself babbling on about his housemates, his family, his dog. He’d always been like this, a couple of strong drinks and he could talk forever. There was more than one occasion in the past where he’d been trying to smoothly chat up a girl only to be silenced with an exasperated kiss, the words melting from his lips and his eyes sliding closed.

Before they knew it it was the early hours of the morning and they had to really start thinking about getting some sleep if they were going to drive all day tomorrow, Sebastian wondered if Heikki could drive, maybe they could share the load..? Maybe they could just drive together forever...

They bought some rooms in the hotel connected to the service station and half-stumbled, half-walked up the two flights of stairs, Seb remarking on the unusual carpet patterns and the texture of the walls - _So many flowers! Just touch it, go on!_

Sebastian unlocked his door first and slid the card into the slot to ignite the lights in the room, what he didn’t expect was for Heikki to follow him in. When he turned around the surprise of the close proximity took his feet right out from under him, stumbling backwards over a small footstool.

They fell to the floor together, a tangle of long limbs and whooshing breaths. Sebastian’s back was pinned to the ground, Heikki’s bulk pressing him into the rough hotel carpet, their faces mere centimetres apart. He felt his eyes widen as his vodka-infused mind registered what was actually happening. He was _so close._ His breath caught in his throat as he stared into those unfathomable blue eyes - he didn’t dare blink for fear of breaking this connection, of destroying this moment. Everything seemed to be in slow-motion, every second taking a lifetime, every shift of his hips feeling like an earthquake.

For what seemed like the first time all evening, Sebastian was shocked into silence.

Heikki’s eyes moved imperceptibly, a quick flick down to Seb’s lips and back up again. Seb couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe - he thought he might have forgotten how. This one stranger stirred more emotions and elicited more reactions in him than anyone ever had prior to today. At the back of his addled mind a voice was whispering _you’ve only known him a day, you don’t know him at all._ But he didn’t listen, didn’t care. It might have been the alcohol but all he was focussed on right this second was how close Heikki was to him, and the sensation of being trapped underneath him. Every nerve in his body was on fire.

All of this unravelled in about three seconds until Heikki made a move to push himself off of him, his arms coming up alongside Sebastian’s head, neither one of them breaking eye contact.

“H--” Seb began, barely a murmur.

“No.” The Finn cut him off, but Sebastian could see the struggle reflected in his eyes. He stilled and glanced at Seb’s mouth again. Frowned. “No.”

He transferred his weight to his arms and started to lift himself up, wincing as he put stress onto his injured hand. Sebastian made an involuntary whimper as their hips came apart and had to wrench his stare towards the ceiling, horrified. He didn’t know what to do - he couldn’t let this get away from him, this was the most alive he had felt in months, laid on the floor of a nondescript hotel, with a stranger he had picked up off the side of the road.

It sounded ridiculous even to himself. Totally unlike him.

_But…_

He grabbed Heikki. Brought both of his hands up around him and tried to drag him back down. He felt the muscles and ribs move under his touch, his fingertips tingling. Heikki paused and looked at him questioningly, but said nothing.

“Yes.” was all Seb uttered, and pulled.

He left Heikki no time to respond, no time to react because all of a sudden he was crashing down onto Sebastian, mouths colliding in perfect chaos. They both had their eyes open - Seb’s wide and frightened, knowing that what he just did crossed so many undrawn lines and wondering how he was supposed breathe now because Heikki was _heavy_  and oh god he was _kissing_ him. In contrast, Heikki’s eyes were almost all pupil, the black swallowing the sky blue like a drop of ink billowing outwards. They were dark and churning and truthfully it made Seb a little more afraid and a lot more aroused.

He closed his eyes then, and opened his mouth, extending the kiss, waiting and willing Heikki to do the same. To reciprocate. After what seemed like an eternity he felt Heikki’s lips move against his own, not nearly as rough as Seb imagined them to be, but they were just as forceful, shoving the back of Sebastian’s head into the carpet with a thud. He gasped and pushed back, trying to work his tongue into Heikki’s open mouth while his hands found their way under the hem of the woolen jumper and onto the expanse of skin that lay beneath. His fingers trickled over more scar tissue - jagged lines that criss-crossed over Heikki’s solid back, creating a network of ridges and bumps that his fingertips couldn’t help but follow.

Heikki stopped moving, stopped kissing and froze completely. Sebastian knew how he felt about his scars, so pressed his palms down flat onto his back, trying to reassure him that it was _all okay_  and nudged at his lips with the end of his tongue. Just a little flick across the bottom one and Heikki responded with a low sigh and opened up to let Sebastian in.

The _taste_ of him.

Heikki tasted like alcohol and stars. Sweet and bitter and cold. So unlike anything Sebastian had ever tasted before and within a second he was lost, so very lost.

The feeling that blossomed into life earlier in the day now uncoiled deliciously in his stomach, a thousand tiny feathers exploding and tickling his insides making him gasp and squirm under the touch of Heikki’s lips. His guts were on fire, he could almost feel actual flames burning him from the inside out as the intensity of the kiss deepened, their tongues dancing together as if they’d been practicing this choreographed routine their entire lives.

And then Heikki moved and a whole different feeling came into play.

He’d been so overwhelmed by the potency of the kiss that only now did he realise that they were aligned perfectly with each other, two bodies in absolute synchronicity and when Heikki moved - just the slightest of adjustments, a tilt of his hips - Sebastian felt it. Felt their cocks rub together through the layers of denim and cotton and his mind threatened to go supernova. Because of course he was aroused, suddenly and _painfully_ so, and his only instantaneous reaction was to buck himself skywards into Heikki, thus enticing a deep moan from the Finn’s throat and a shiver that seemed to rack Seb’s entire body.

“Seb…” Heikki murmured between kisses as he pushed himself downwards deliberately, rubbing himself against Sebastian’s body, the sensation making Seb’s clawed hands rake into Heikki’s flesh with a gasp.

He moved. They moved. They kissed. There were hands in each other’s hair, on each other’s skin. Tongues and teeth and taste and a rapidly increasing feeling of _more, more, more_  It never seemed like it was enough, like they were never close enough even though Sebastian was being crushed into the carpet. Dimly he knew that they should do something about these damn clothes but he didn’t want to break away, didn’t want to be the first one that suggested anything, didn’t want to lose this moment. So he kept on shifting himself around, maneuvering himself into the perfect position so they could both benefit. Because it wasn’t just about him, oh no. He wanted Heikki to feel what he was feeling, to share this experience together, to act as _one._

They fell into a frenzied rhythm, gasping and groaning and Sebastian thought that they were making far too much noise for something that wasn’t even real sex but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about much else outside of this tangle of bodies. Heikki’s hands were either side of his head, fisted into his hair as he pulled himself forwards again and again, keeping his hips low and heavy and hard.

Seb risked opening his eyes for a second, just to witness what this man looked like in action, and what he saw froze him in his tracks. Pale skin that was flushed and pink, normally immaculate hair that was ruffled and falling into his eyes, and Sebastian felt his cock twitch so hard that he slammed his eyes closed again on reflex alone. He heard himself make some kind of strangled moan, but it was all lost in another kiss as Heikki suddenly upped the pace and the shoves and pushes became too much.

“Hei-- I.. Hnngg..!” Sebastian could feel himself unravelling, was sure that if they kept this speed up he was going to pass out or _die_ or something. He lost all focus as the pressure built and built and Heikki just kept grinding and grinding until he bit down _hard_ on Heikki’s bottom lip as he fell apart. Glowing pinwheels materialised on the inside of his eyelids, tremors racking his entire body, the taste of Heikki in his mouth as he spent his load. Through the haze he could feel Heikki spasming on top of him and knew that he must’ve fallen over the edge too. _All this from just some rubbing against each other on a hotel room floor._  He couldn’t recall ever feeling this overcharged during sex before - sure he didn’t have a partner right now, but he’d had sex plenty of times during his two years at University, and not one of them compared to this. Not one. He brain stopped trying to capture the emotion and he allowed himself to just lie there, motionless.

Sebastian didn’t want to open his eyes, and at this precise moment he wasn’t sure that he could, wasn’t sure that he had enough strength left in him even for that small action. In these precious cooldown seconds the most prevalent sense was _smell,_ everything else had been consumed in that shuddering explosion and he was left with the purest scent of Heikki’s skin. His nose was literally resting on the other man’s cheek, and when he inhaled he was overwhelmed with the smell of heat and sex and _Heikki._

He thought that it might be the greatest smell in the whole world.

Heikki made a muffled sound and it was then that Seb realised that he still had his lip clamped between his teeth. Horrified, he let go while forcing his eyes open, sucking his own lip in to replace the one he had just lost. They locked gazes - Sebastian unfocused but full of trepidation, Heikki completely blank with the pupil a tiny black dot in a sea of blue. Seb opened his mouth, started to say something, but Heikki wrenched himself upright in one fluid motion and left the room. Never once looking back, never once saying a word.

Sebastian stared at the stains on the ceiling until they blurred.

\----------------------

At some point he relocated himself from the floor to the bed as he awoke in a tangle of bedsheets, both of his legs caught up and one arm slung across his face. He squinted against the sunlight streaming in through the thin curtains. His head hurt. And then the memories came rushing back.

The floor, the kissing, the …other things.

He was still fully clothed. In the clothes from last night. _Ewwww._

Sebastian dragged himself out of bed and made a beeline for the shower, peeling off his clothes as he went, scattering them around the room. He scrubbed himself clean, lingering under the torrent for far longer than was necessary, just standing there with his face turned upwards into the spray, letting the water hit him and run down his body in thick rivulets.

His mind wandered to last night and he squeezed his eyes closed with a furrowed brow. Maybe Heikki had moved on already, grabbed a ride with someone else, that would be likeliest thing. Seb knew he was a runner, he would probably run away from this too. The thought of Heikki leaving him without so much as a mumbled goodbye made his heart sink and his stomach churn. And he had known him for less than 24 hours.

What spell had this man woven over him?

Luckily the semi-drunk Sebastian of last night had the peace of mind to bring his small backpack up to his room with him. He towelled himself off, rubbing at his damp hair until his scalp was sore and red. Pulling on a pair of jeans and tugging a faded t-shirt over his head he forced himself to look in the mirror as he made to leave the room.

He looked sad. His eyes were dull and flat, his skin paler than usual. He tried to smile but it didn’t come anywhere near to reaching his eyes, so he sighed, hoisted his bag onto his shoulder and made his way to the exit.

_Stop thinking, Sebastian._

He cast one last look back to the floor before he slid the door closed behind him.

\--------------------------

Sebastian scuffed his shoes all the way down the stairs and out of the hotel. The car park looked like a completely different place in the sunlight, like a different world. He began to think that he imagined the whole thing - the bandaging of Heikki’s hand, the drinking, the floor.

He stopped suddenly, almost tripping over himself.

There was a figure leaning against his car. A blonde figure.

His heart skipped more than a few beats.

_He didn’t run. He’s still here. He didn’t leave._

Sebastian tried to disguise the stumble in his step as he walked over to the car. Tried to keep his breathing shallow.

“Hey.” He said as he reached talking distance.

Heikki looked up from studying his bandaged hand, a flicker of emotion running through his cool eyes as he met Sebastian’s own.

“Hey.” And that was it. He moved around to the passenger side door, waiting to be let in.

Sebastian wondered if he could keep him here, could keep him waiting so that he could force some kind of communication out of him. Because there were definitely things that needed to be said. But he couldn’t, he was too scared, too worried that Heikki would balk.

So he just unlocked the car and got in, throwing his backpack into the back seat, letting his breath whoosh out in a sigh as he sat down, deliberately not looking over onto the passenger side of the car. He heard Heikki get in, heard the click of the seatbelt, heard the deafening silence as it stretched between them.

He would not be the one to break it. Not this time. He steeled his resolve and started the engine, relieved that the car was still working after the amateur repair job of yesterday. Granted it didn’t make the most healthiest of sounds, but it was ticking over at least which means he could get moving and get away from this place. He slid the car into gear and pulled away.

They drove for an hour, the hushed atmosphere almost suffocating, the odd cough or shuffle of legs the only things interrupting it. Just as Sebastian thought that he couldn’t take it anymore, and just as he was about to say something, Heikki spoke up.

“Sebastian.” The sound punctured the air like a knife into a balloon, echoing around the interior of the car.

Seb didn’t turn away from the road.

“Yes?” He hoped he sounded more confident than he felt, hoped that he could keep the tremor from his voice.

“Do you want to talk?” The Finn paused, exhaling slowing. “About last night.”

Seb thought for a moment before answering.

“Yes, I do. But..” He huffed. “I don’t even know where to start.”

Heikki gave a wry smile at this. “It’s the eyes, right? It’s always the eyes.”

Sebastian swiveled his head to glance at him, because he was right, of course he was right. It had all begun with his ridiculous eyes.

“Look, Seb, this isn’t me. This isn’t what I do, in case you were wondering. I don’t just hitchhike in the hope that someone cute picks me up and I get to roll around with them in a hotel room.”

_Someone cute._

“Someone cute?” Seb tried not to let the smile creep onto his face, tried not to let his emotions get the better of him. For once he wanted to be in control. _He thinks I’m cute, he thinks I’m cute._

Heikki gave that funny little bark of a laugh again. “Perhaps.”

Butterflies awoke in Sebastian’s stomach and unfurled slowly, flexing their wings and starting to flutter softly.

“The truth is,” Heikki was saying, the humour gone from his voice. “I don’t really know what happened, I’m sorry for taking advantage of you, it won’t happen again. You’re offering me a free journey and I let myself get caught up in… something and I’m sorry. I just wanted to apologise to you.”

Seb was stunned. He tried to concentrate on the road ahead, but all he could think about was the fact that Heikki thought he had done something _wrong_ , that he needed to _say sorry_  to Sebastian, like he had ruined his night. When it was almost the exact opposite. He thought carefully about what he was going to say - he didn’t want to reveal to Heikki just yet that he _loved_  what happened last night (he did), nor did he want to put Heikki off by agreeing with him (he definitely didn’t).

“Seb?” Heikki’s voice was small.

“I.. Heikki..” Sebastian was stumbling. He paused, trying to gather his thoughts. “You don’t need to apologise. And you didn’t take advantage, I knew exactly what I was doing. What _we_ were doing.”

He turned to glance at his passenger, to gauge his reaction. He knew he was being deliberately vague, but hoped that Heikki could read enough into his words to understand what he was getting at. Heikki’s eyes were wide and clear, and for once his permanently-clenched jaw was slack.

“What you do need to apologise for, however,” Sebastian continued, looking forwards. “Is storming out of the room.”

Heikki grimaced and ran both of his hands over his face in an exasperated gesture.

“I know, I know.” His hands fell back into his lap with a thud. “I thought I’d fucked up. _That_ is something that I most definitely do. So I ran. It’s the only way I know, and it wasn’t because of you or what we did, it’s just…”

He trailed off, head slumping.

“Hey, I get it, it’s okay.” Seb tried to reassure him. “And for the record, I’d be perfectly fine if it happened again, FYI.”

He allowed himself to smile then, a cheeky lopsided grin that he hoped Heikki picked up on. In his peripheral vision he saw Heikki turn his head slowly towards him and tilt it slightly, as if he was seeing him again for the first time. He sat there for a beat.

“Pull over.”

“What?”

“You heard me, pull the car over.”

Sebastian indicated and slowed down, the car making several sickly noises as the power faded, coughing and barking before it rolled to a halt. He silently prayed that he would be able to get it started again. He tried to mediate his breathing, but in reality he was a bundle of quivering nerves and jumbled emotions - he was doing his patented routine of appearing confident and comfortable when inside he was anything but.

“I hate to break it to you, but we haven’t got time to stop, at this rate we’ll never make it to Crescent Hill before it gets dark.”

He shifted the gearstick into neutral and started to pull his hand away when suddenly it was clamped back down. Heikki’s hand was covering his own. It swallowed his almost completely, the pale calloused skin forming a cocoon, his fingers starting to tingle from the extended contact. He stared for far longer than was normal, not able to tear his eyes away. Heikki squeezed gently, and Seb watched the muscles in his hand contract and expand. The squirrelly feeling in his stomach came back, and his breath got caught in his throat, but still he stared, like this hand was the most precious of all things. Heikki’s thumb moved slowly, rubbing the edge of Sebastian’s little finger with the lightest touch, tickling and stroking, back and forward. Seb felt like he was in some kind of trance, all that existed was this pair of hands, the sensation of Heikki’s skin on his, even though it was the finest of touches.

The tingly stomach feeling moved lower, lower, until there was a familiar tightening inside his jeans, the fabric stretching as he sat there. He bit down on his lower lip and finally moved his gaze up to met Heikki’s, half ashamed that he could be turned on so easily, half anticipating what he would see in Heikki’s eyes.

He wasn’t smiling, he was just looking at Sebastian, looking at him with those intense blue eyes betraying more emotion than Seb had ever witnessed in the short time that they had spent together. His eyes dipped to the lip that Sebastian still had sucked into his mouth, and his expression changed just for a split second - Seb would have missed it if he wasn’t looking so closely - to one of _longing_. Like he wanted that, to be the one doing the sucking. Sebastian let his lip ease out of his mouth slowly, deliberately, and watched Heikki’s face, watched his pupils dilate wildly as his own lips parted.

Apparently Sebastian was not the only one that was easily aroused.

Heikki’s hand tightened its grip and _pulled_. He yanked Sebastian across the car and before he knew it their mouths were colliding in a forceful, rough kiss that literally knocked the breath right out of him. The seatbelt was restricting his movements so he snapped it undone to get a better angle as Heikki undid his and swivelled round in his seat to face him. He opened his mouth wide and attacked, sucking and pushing his own face closer, closer into Heikki’s waiting lips. He tugged his hand out of Heikki’s so that he could shove both of them into his blonde hair, raking his clawed fingers across the other man’s scalp with such pressure that he felt Heikki groan into the kiss. Their tongues resumed their dance again, entwining and moving around each other in perfect symmetry, neither man wanting to come up for air, neither one wanting to pull away from the other for even the tiniest moment. Sebastian was rapidly running out of breath, but that only heightened the sense of urgency, only made him hungry for more. His knees were bumping against the steering wheel, his legs tangled around each other in the cramped space.

Heikki’s hands moved down the sides of his body, searching for the hem of his t-shirt, cool fingers curling under the edge of the cotton, touching his bare skin. Sebastian flinched away from the contact, squirming as Heikki’s fingertips edged their way upwards, tracing their way over his ribs, one by one.

“Hei-- Stop it..!” He managed to breathe, breaking the kiss and sucking in some much-needed air.

Heikki smirked, his fingers freezing. “Ticklish?”

Sebastian nodded, a hot blush creeping over his cheeks.

“Well then, I better not touch you… here.” Heikki said into Seb’s lips as he swiftly ran his fingers straight up Sebastian’s ribcage.

Seb squeaked and wriggled away, pulling his feet up underneath him onto his seat and backing up towards the door as Heikki’s long arms seemed to reach him wherever he was.

“Stop it! Seriously!”

Heikki laughed at him, a loud booming sound complete with a wide smile that lit up his entire face. He held his hands up in surrender.

“Okay, okay. I’ve stopped, see? Come back here.”

Seb nervously shuffled back towards him on his knees, but apparently was taking too long as Heikki’s hands grabbed him around the ass and somehow _lifted_ him across the car and onto his lap. Before Sebastian had time to contemplate exactly how incredibly strong Heikki was, his brain was overwhelmed by the fact that he was straddling the Finn, his knees on either side of Heikki’s thick thighs, his crotch… Well. All the blood in his body seemed to suddenly flow southwards, making him feel more than a little lightheaded and his jeans becoming painfully restrictive.

He looked down then, at them together like this, his own bulge mirrored by Heikki. They were about an inch apart, tantalisingly close, one rock of his hips would push them together. He raised his eyes and saw that Heikki was looking down at them too, licking his lips while a delicate flush spread across his flawless skin.

Sebastian brought his hands up into Heikki’s hair again (he found great pleasure in messing up Heikki’s perfect hairstyle), wrapped his fingers around his head and forced him into a blisteringly hot kiss. Heikki pushed his tongue in straight away, taking no mercy as they clicked together like two pieces of a jigsaw. Seb pushed himself forward, covering that inch of space and ground his hips downwards, triggering a spasm of lust that ricocheted through his entire body, making his toes tingle and drawing a low moan from his lips that was reflected in Heikki as he gasped.

They stayed like that for a while, grinding against each other while kissing bruisingly, melting into one another, trying to eliminate all space between them. Sebastian forgot where he ended and Heikki began.

Heikki’s snatched his lips away suddenly, making Seb whine pleadingly, his own missing the contact already. He started to say something when he felt Heikki’s mouth on his neck, softly peppering him with kisses. He started at his jaw, then worked his way down, down, sometimes with just the barest of brushes, sometimes with such force that Seb’s whole head got pushed to one side.

And then he began to _suck._

Sebastian’s eyes opened wide and he inhaled sharply as his sensitive skin was pulled between Heikki’s teeth. It dawned on him that Heikki was giving him a hickey, that he was marking him as _his._  Branding him with his mouth. Seb let out an involuntary groan as Heikki worked away, lightly sweeping across the skin with his tongue and pulling away with a loud smacking ‘pop’ as he disconnected.

Seb looked at him with hooded eyes, still half-lost in the sensation.

“You taste like lightning.” Heikki whispered to him, and Sebastian wondered if he knew that he _felt_  like lightning - charged and quivering and on the verge of something incredible.

He bent his head down so that their foreheads rested against each other, both slowing down their breathing in perfect synchronisation. Their noses bumped and Seb nudged Heikki’s gently, still very aware of how they were sitting. He watched his eyes drift upwards to meet with his own, and at the precise second that they connected, he thrust his hips forward.

Heikki’s eyes rolled backwards into his head as Seb applied more pressure, Sebastian revelling in the power that he held.

“Fuck, Seb..” Heikki managed to get out, as his hands clawed into Seb’s back. His head snapped back down and he launched himself at Sebastian’s mouth, pushing him backwards, forcing him to tense his stomach muscles just to hold himself in place.

Seb shoved back, mouth and tongue and body and just _everything_ trying to get as close to Heikki as he possibly could, neither of them caring that they were in a car parked on the side of a road, with other vehicles passing intermittently. The universe consisted of them and them alone.

It was after a particularly violent frustrated groan from Heikki that they realised that something needed to be done about the… downstairs situation. This was a whole other step that they were taking, and normally Sebastian would be slightly hesitant at this stage, but the ache in his balls persuaded him otherwise.

He kept kissing Heikki, but removed his hands from amongst the blonde hair and inched them lower, trying to be subtle but probably failing miserably. He gently lifted up the hem of Heikki’s jumper and tucked his fingers behind the button of his jeans.

Heikki froze then, mid-kiss, eyes opening wide and questioning, boring into Sebastian. Seb just looked back, letting one finger stroke the skin above Heikki’s waistband, until Heikki’s eyes slid closed again and he gave a barely perceptible nod.

Sebastian worked the buttons open one by one, enjoying Heikki’s squirm as his hands brushed against the bulge in his pants. He smiled into their kiss as Heikki growled and went to bite him, teeth snapping. He tugged open the jeans, pulling the gap open as far as he could, getting Heikki to raise his hips a little so that he could pull them down further, taking his boxers with him as he went.

His cock sprung free suddenly, bobbing as it was released. Sebastian’s eyes widened as his own dick throbbed inside his trousers. He wrapped his hand around Heikki’s length and gave it an exploratory <i>squeeze</i>, and then revelled in the sounds that came out of Heikki’s mouth. A drawn-out moan filled with frustration and want and need. And then Heikki’s hands were at his fly, unbuttoning him swiftly, the buttons popping open with satisfying muffled _thwops._ He wasted no time, wrenching the jeans down almost too roughly, shoving his hand inside of Seb’s pants and grabbing his cock forcefully and _pulling._

Sebastian cried out, the unexpected touch threatening to almost overwhelm his senses, his gut twisted and threshed and he forgot everything, this was all that he wanted. This this this. Heikki and this.

He leant forward, looking into Heikki’s eyes darkened by lust and hoped that he looked that tantalizing right now because all he wanted to do was _devour_  him. As he attempted to go in for a kiss he realised belatedly that Heikki now had both of their cocks in his hand. In one hand. His thoughts became jumbled and erratic and he fell into the kiss with a groan, thrusting his tongue into Heikki’s mouth without a care, all too aware that he was being gripped so tightly, his emotions going into overdrive. And then Heikki started to move his hand and Sebastian nearly fell apart right there and then. Agonisingly slow and steady strokes, just the right amount of pressure, Sebastian hands whipped up around Heikki’s shoulders and contorted into claws, ready to rake and tear. He could feel Heikki under him, in his mouth, all around him, and he scrambled to maintain some semblance of self as he drowned in Heikki, losing his grip on reality one stroke at a time.

They rocked together, ramming themselves into each other, forcing the other one to push back harder, harder, harder until they became one writhing swaying being, confined to the small space in the passenger seat of a car. Heikki moved his hand away with a moan that got swallowed up in another kiss and just allowed themselves to rub up against each other, creating their own delicious friction, skin on skin, precome slicking between them as Sebastian now dictated the rhythm.

He ground himself into Heikki’s hips, making them both gasp in sync as he sped up. Pushing and grinding and  _never close enough._

“Fuck..!” Heikki managed to get out, tearing his lips away from Seb’s for a second. Sebastian was amazed that he was still in the condition to form words as he himself was long past that. Heikki slammed one hand against the misted-up window, leaving a trailing imprint as he dragged it down.

“Seb, I.. Oh--” Whatever he was about to say dissolved into a spiel of Finnish and dear gods did this turn Sebastian on even more, he wasn’t even sure that it was possible to be this aroused without exploding or passing out. He felt like his skin was too small for him, couldn’t contain what was building and growing inside of him. With every thrust it swelled larger, his flesh surely unable to restrain this for much longer, this incredible monster that he and Heikki had created.

Seb dragged his fingertips down Heikki’s back, catching on the thick wool as they went. He was close now, he felt the familiar surge like a rising tide within him. He latched on and pushed against Heikki as hard as he could, cocks colliding, bodies melding.

“Heikki, Heikki, Heikki..” He said with each movement. And then, here it came, cascading up and up until it shuddered free like a geyser. _“Heik—ki!”_

He buried his head into Heikki’s shoulder as he felt him go over the edge too, their bodies perfectly synchronised, Heikki yelling something in Finnish that Sebastian didn’t understand but enjoyed all the same. Both of them shaking against each other, Seb could no longer feel his extremities as the sensation raced through his bones, obliterating all other thoughts and emotions, burning him up from the inside out, leaving charred nerves in it’s wake.

“Shit, fuck.. Shit..” He managed to breathe out, and even that was an effort. He was totally spent, absolutely and thoroughly empty. His skin that had felt too constricting mere moments ago now felt too thin and light, as if it might detach itself and float away at any moment.

They stayed like that for a while, their embrace tight and locked, intertwined with each other, breathing gradually becoming steadier with each passing second. Sebastian gradually eased his hands out of the claws that they had become, and gently stroked Heikki’s back, turning his head and kissing his neck softly, letting his lips linger there for a second longer than normal.

Heikki hummed faintly, a deep and low growl that Sebastian felt vibrate through his own ribcage, and he never wanted to move ever again.

It was only after it dawned on him that they had both just come, and that they were both still wedged together that Seb remembered that certain stuff had to have gone… somewhere.

He slowly edged himself backwards, and yes, Heikki’s precious woolen jumper was covered in ribbons of white. His own t-shirt had escaped most of the deluge, but that jumper most definitely had to come off. And go in the wash.

“Uh..” He made a show of looking downwards, trying not be distracted by their two cocks that were now lying side by side.

“Oh, gross.” Heikki said, squirming. “You need to get off me.”

Sebastian opened the door and edged his way out of it, his jelly legs almost failing as they hit solid ground, hastily tucking himself back inside his jeans and buttoning the fly up. He stretched his arms up towards the sky, elongating his entire body, splaying his fingers out and feeling several bones in his body click into place. He turned back around to find Heikki in the middle of taking off his jumper, his grey t-shirt underneath riding up as he did so, displaying an expanse of toned abs and delicious pale skin. He tried to stop himself from drooling, but failed dismally in stopping himself from blushing, his cheeks practically glowing with heat. Heikki finished removing his jumper, gave Sebastian a _look_ that blatantly said ‘I caught you staring, you little pervert’ and climbed out of the car to join him.

Heikki leant back against the closed door, holding his jumper balled up in his hands. Sebastian had never seen him without it, but now Heikki’s arms were fully exposed in all their porcelain glory. He was still trying to hide them, crossing them across his chest, wrapping the jumper around them, doing everything he could to try and disguise the fact that they were both latticed with a web of white scars. They varied in size and length, some long and shallow, others fat and deep, stark against even Heikki’s pale Scandinavian skin.

Heikki was obviously ashamed of them, the angry blush on his face and crease on his forehead showed that plainly. But Sebastian didn’t care, he was focussed solely on the way Heikki’s biceps bulged obscenely when he crossed his arms like that - all tense and barely contained by the thin t-shirt he was wearing. He felt his mouth start to water and his dick start to stir again. He shook his head to snap out of it before he jumped Heikki right there and then.

“Are you ever going to tell me the story of those?” He said gesturing to the scars. He kicked a pebble along the ground in the pause that followed.

“I.. don’t like talking about it.” Heikki replied, not meeting Seb’s eyes, intently studying the dirt on his shoes. “It wasn’t a good time.”

Sebastian walked over to him and pried his injured left hand out of his tangle of arms, held it in his own, stroking the bandage.

“Hey, it’s okay, I won’t judge.” Seb hooked a finger underneath Heikki’s chin and tilted it upwards. “Look at me, it’s alright.”

Heikki’s blue eyes had lost all of the chill that they first had when they met yesterday - _was it only yesterday? Impossible_  - and now they were filled with worry, the sky blue darkened by clouds.

Seb moved his hand up to cup Heikki’s cheek, feeling the day’s worth of stubble rough under his palm. It was hard to believe that the quiet sullen man from yesterday was the same as this guy who was about to open up to him. They’d come such a long way in such a short time.

Heikki sighed and leant his head into the hand before bracing himself to speak.

“Remember that I told you about Sabrina?”

Sebastian nodded silently, remembering the story of the girl that Heikki had stayed with during his first year away from Finland. Heikki stared into the middle-distance, seemingly reliving whatever story he was going to tell.

“Well, I was in love with her. Fell for her almost instantly, apparently I have a penchant for doing that.” He said dryly.

Sebastian stopped breathing for a second as he let that sentence sink in, the butterflies in his stomach metamorphosing into a flock of birds. _He’s fallen for me. Me._  He didn’t say anything though, allowed Heikki to carry on, this wasn’t his moment. He tried to stop his hands from shaking.

“We were inseparable, for months we’d just do everything together. And then there was… an accident.” He squeezed his eyes shut, the memory still too painfully vivid, even after all these years. “She was killed instantly, I escaped with superficial flesh wounds, some of the scars are from that, like the ones on my back. Burns. Metal.”

He shrugged and took a deep, laboured breath.

“After that was a dark time for me. I couldn’t do anything without her. I didn’t know anyone else. So I slept rough, I hated myself, blamed myself for the accident. I was overwhelmed with my grief and self-loathing that there was more than one time where I took a knife to my skin.”

Sebastian pressed his hand harder into Heikki’s cheek, grounding him back into the present, stroking his face lightly with his thumb.

“I haven’t been able to settle down since, haven’t been able to go to school or stay in one place for too long. I’m scared I’ll be the reason that someone else gets hurt.”

By now his eyes were shining with unshed tears, and he blinked hard, drawing his focus back onto Sebastian.

“So that’s my story. I’m a fuck-up who destroys everything he touches.”

Seb frowned and pulled Heikki down into a heavy hug, wrapping his arms around his broad back and squeezing him as hard as he could.

“Hey, you’re touching me, aren’t you?” He said into Heikki’s shoulder. “I’m not destroyed.”

He turned his head and planted a soft kiss on Heikki’s exposed neck. “I’m right here.”

Heikki let out a juddering breath and unfolded his arms to bring them into a reciprocating hug around Sebastian, letting his woolen jumper fall to the floor, joining them together, from head to toes. They stood there like that for a while, wrapped in each other. Seb could feel Heikki’s heart beating, the sound echoing through his own body, bouncing off his bones. Everything was incredibly still, like the world had frozen with them.

Heikki turned his head and whispered into Sebastian’s hair, “Thank you.”

Seb just tilted his head up everso slightly, presenting his lips to be taken in a kiss which Heikki gladly accepted. This kiss was completely different to their previous fevered, passion-filled kisses of the past day, it was tender and gentle, slow-blossoming like a flower’s petals curling under the sun. Sebastian shivered inwardly as Heikki slipped his tongue in-between his lips, searching and probing. They had no idea how much time had passed, it was only when a solitary car honked its horn as it drove by did they break the kiss, both of them scowling at the rapidly disappearing tail lights.

Seb sighed and looked down, concentrating on the movement of Heikki’s chest as he breathed. In. Out. In. Out. _Christ_

They had to go. As much as he hated to admit it, they had to keep moving.

As if he could read his mind, Heikki said quietly, “Come with me.”

Sebastian looked up, searching Heikki’s eyes for any sign of a joke. The blue depths revealed only sincerity and a hint of worry. He wanted to, he _really_ wanted to. But his family… He hadn’t seen them for months, and there were so many things planned for the summer ahead.

“I can’t..” He muttered, his heart breaking as something died in Heikki’s eyes, shutters coming swiftly down and darkening them. “It’s not that I don’t want to!” He said quickly. “Because I really want to, it’s just that this summer is family time. I can come visit? Or you can visit me, Crescent Hill isn’t that far away, it’ll be easy.” He tried to sound as enthusiastic as he could, but the light was still absent from Heikki’s face, and the Finn wouldn’t meet his eyes, looking everywhere but directly at Sebastian.

“Sure. Yeah.” He said, as he removed his arms from around Seb, the world suddenly seeming colder, a chill wind picking up and tousling their hair. Sebastian took a step backwards, stumbling over Heikki’s jumper that was still in the dirt. He bent and picked it up, taking time to memorise the feel of the soft, thick burgundy wool, willing his fingertips to remember this texture. He handed it back to Heikki, deliberately brushing their hands together as he did so, but still Heikki was closed off. It was as if the past day had never happened and they were right back to square one, all the hard work and easing open of Heikki’s shell had been undone and Seb was left feeling vaguely hollow, like someone had scooped something out of his chest.

He was about to comment on it, to say something - _anything_ \- reassuring when Heikki cast him one last pained look before opening the passenger door and shutting himself back inside the car, leaving Seb standing there alone, with arms that pined for the touch of a cool, strong body. What could he do? Surely Heikki understood that family was important, right? Actually he probably didn’t, seeing as he fled from his own when he was 18... He likely couldn’t even comprehend what Seb’s family meant to him…

_Well done, Sebastian._ He chided himself, hands balling into fists as he strode round the car and back into the driver’s seat.

Heikki held his jumper in his lap, his long fingers splayed around it, tension radiating from him and slowly filling the car like smoke.

But the worst thing, Sebastian noticed, was that Heikki had put his sunglasses back on. It felt like a slap in the face, that one gesture was almost like a door slamming, driving a wedge between them and Seb practically recoiled in his seat.

He turned the key in the ignition and was greeted with the choking sound of the engine before it cut out abruptly. Seb stared at the dashboard in horror. _Not now, please not now._  He tried again. And again. And again. it wasn’t until the fifth try that the car finally sprang into life, still sounding sickly but definitely capable of movement. Sebastian swore in relief, shifted into first and pulled away. While Seb was getting flustered and panicked, Heikki sat there silent and motionless the entire time.

They drove for a couple of hours like this, Sebastian sighing theatrically intermittently, fiddling with the radio, sometimes even _singing along_  to the radio. Heikki remained closed off and stationary, like a block of marble in the passenger seat, occasionally glancing down at his hands and picking at the skin around his nails. Repeatedly Seb tried to ask him what he could do, how he could fix this rift, but the taciturn Finn remained quiet, his eyes hidden by the sunglasses, his emotions buried.

As the day drew to an end and the sky darkened so did the weather outside. A low rumble in the distance warned of an impending storm and it wasn’t long before the heavens opened and rain began to pour. Sebastian put both headlights and windscreen wipers on just as they passed a sign that proclaimed _Crescent Hill – 10m._

“Heikki.” He said. One last try. “We’re almost there.”

He’d finally taken his sunglasses off when the sun disappeared, and now he just looked vacantly forward, pale face illuminated by the glow of the headlights.

“Yes we are.” He breathed after a long pause, his voice dripping with sorrow.

That was it for Sebastian. Something snapped within him. He slammed both hands down on the steering wheel, rocking the car and making Heikki jump.

“You’re just going to let it end like this?! We haven’t spoken for two hours! You’ve given me a couple of the best orgasms I’ve ever had in my entire life and we’re not even going to say a proper goodbye?! I won’t let you!”

“You won’t _let_  me?”

“No! This is too special, too important.. Whatever we have is.. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about you that I’ve fallen in l--” He stopped, eyes wide, breathing hard, petrified of what he was about to admit out loud. “Something about you that I really like.”

He paused in his rant, his cheeks hot and his knuckles white around the steering wheel. Five miles to go, the outskirts of the town were beginning to spring up around them, eerily lit up by the odd flashes of lightning as the rain continued.

“Sebastian..” Heikki began.

“Save it. If you’re going to just tell me off for being stupid then I don’t want to hear it. I know this is ridiculous, I know I only met you _yesterday,_  I know I know I know!” He wondered who he was trying to convince, Heikki or himself. He glowered at the road ahead, his emotions in a jumble.

“Seb, if you would just let me speak for two seconds.” Heikki raised his voice. Seb opened his mouth to retort but then thought better of it and shut it with a click of his teeth. “I was going to say that there’s ..something about you that I really like too, and I’m not just saying that. It’s not about you driving me. It’s about the fact that you bandaged up my hand, the fact that you listened to me and didn’t judge, the fact that you look fucking adorable when you’re scowling like that.”

Sebastian forced his face out of the frown, his heart fluttering uncomfortably, his skin breaking out into tiny goosebumps.

“But you have your life, and I have mine.” Heikki continued, dropping his gaze to his hands. “And I don’t think that they’re going to mesh. Maybe this is all we were meant to be, a passing fling on the road, a story to tell your friends. Perhaps it’s better this way.” The last line was said so quietly it was practically a whisper.

Sebastian slammed on the brakes, throwing Heikki forward so hard the seatbelt caught him and ricocheted him back into his seat. The wipers continued, the only sound in the car.

“Get out.”

“Sebastian, I--”

“I said get out. Grab your bag, and get out.” Seb wouldn’t look at him, _couldn’t_  look at him right now. _A passing fling._ He felt like he’d been stabbed in the gut. Everything he’d been feeling before instantly turned into white-hot anger, coiling like a snake in the pit of his stomach, burning through his insides.

He couldn’t look at Heikki, afraid that if he did his resolve would crumble. He heard Heikki open the door roughly, pick up his backpack from the footwell and then slam the door with such force that Seb was surprised it didn’t break off of it’s hinges. He kept his eyes on the lashing rain outside, watching it come down in perfect vertical stripes in the glow of the headlights.

And then he shifted the car back into gear, and drove away.

_What are you doing, Sebastian?_

It was for the best, it really was… wasn’t it? They could go back to living their separate lives, armed with only the memories of these past days, Sebastian had to focus on his studies anyway, it was his last year - the most important one, he didn’t need any distractions. And Heikki had to move on with his life, had to prove to himself that he wasn’t a screw up and that he could cope by himself.

It was for the best.

...

Like _fuck_  it was.

He roughly swerved the car to one side and stopped it halfway on the curb, two wheels mounting the pavement and two wheels in the road. He cut the engine and the lights, swearing at himself as his fingers couldn’t undo his seatbelt fast enough.

He leapt out of the car, not bothering to close the door and just ran. Feet flying over the tarmac, splashing through puddles without a care, the rain driving against him, soaking him through within five seconds. But he didn’t care, his whole world was condensed down to that one figure, standing under a streetlight, backpack over one shoulder just as he had been yesterday. Seb sprinted, his legs working hard until he was close enough to see the shock written plainly on Heikki’s face, a split-second of open-mouthed wonder before Sebastian jumped.

He launched himself at Heikki, wrapping his legs around his waist, arms clinging to his broad shoulders, head buried in the crook of his neck. Heikki dropped his backpack immediately, his hands coming up to hold Seb by his ass as Sebastian clung to him. They were both soaking wet, water cascading off of them as the storm raged on, clothes sticking to each other’s skin, the sound of the water echoing around them.

Sebastian raised his head, wanting to look Heikki in the eyes. His blonde hair was plastered to his forehead, water running over his porcelain skin in tiny streams. Seb watched one raindrop work it’s way along the contours of Heikki’s cheek, over his jaw, and then slide down his neck to be absorbed into his sodden t-shirt. He licked his lips, tasting the rain, closed his eyes and kissed Heikki with every last drop of emotion he had in him.

He thrust his tongue in roughly and clamped his wet lips around Heikki’s, letting out a muffled involuntary moan as he did so. Nothing felt as good as this. He felt Heikki’s hands squeeze his ass tighter as he engaged in the kiss, his long fingers curling into the denim, pushing his hips closer.

Sebastian was well aware that this could be the final kiss, this would be the one that they both went away remembering, so he wanted to make it as memorable as possible. He brought his hands up into Heikki’s hair as he loved to do, the strands feeling completely different now that they were wet, his fingers sliding over Heikki’s scalp as his nails dug into the thin layer of skin. He felt Heikki groan and allowed himself a small smile as he raked harder and kissed with renewed energy.

Heikki made a muffled sound into Seb’s mouth and Seb realised that he was trying to say something. He pulled back, breathing hard.

“Seb,” Heikki said once he’d caught his breath. “Can I put you down now?” He grinned a lopsided grin.

Sebastian unhooked his legs from around Heikki’s waist and lowered himself to the ground, still keeping his arms locked around Heikki’s shoulders.

“Sorry,” He said, bashfully, raising his voice to be heard over the roar of the rain. “About everything.”

Heikki kissed the tip of his nose, licking a drop of water from it.

“ _I’m_  sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things. I didn’t mean them. I was scared. Again.” He glanced up at the sky, the drops sticking his pale eyelashes together and making him blink.

_You are so beautiful._

“You are so beautiful.” Sebastian said, in a voice filled with awe and conviction and absolute certainty. He stood up on his tiptoes to reach Heikki’s upturned mouth and capture it in a kiss, feeling Heikki sigh into him as he relaxed. He pulled away slowly before they got carried away again.

“I have to go.” Seb said, quietly and reluctantly, casting his eyes down, watching the rain drip off of the ends of his hair.

They both knew that this was coming, that it couldn’t last forever - it didn’t make it any easier.

Heikki pulled him into a tight, fierce hug, kissing the top of his wet head roughly.

“Don’t forget me.” He said into his hair.

“I couldn’t even if I tried.” Sebastian replied, pressing his nose into Heikki’s neck, breathing in heavily to memorise the scent of him - he smelt like summer rain and damp cotton, fresh and new and _alive._  “Come and visit me?”

Heikki nodded and pushed Sebastian back to hold his hands at arm’s length. It was such a little thing - holding hands - but it was something they had never really done before, not counting the bandaging of Heikki’s hand last night - _was it only last night?_ It felt like a lifetime ago. Heikki wrapped his big hands around Seb’s and squeezed tightly, thumbs rubbing circles on his skin.

“Goodbye, Sebastian.”

“Goodbye, Heikki.”

Neither of them moved. Neither of them _wanted_ to move. They were both soaked to the bone, standing under a streetlight on a deserted suburban road, and neither of them wanted to budge an inch, both waiting for the other to make the first move. After about five minutes of just staring into each other’s eyes Heikki finally detached himself, kissing the back of Sebastian’s hand for one last time. He smiled sadly before picking up his backpack and hooked his arms through the drenched straps.

“Go home, Seb.” He told him. “Your family are waiting, they’ll be worried.”

Sebastian knew this, knew that he was hours behind schedule, he should have been safely at home ages ago. He didn’t say anything, didn’t have the words, just nodded a farewell, balled his fists at his sides and turned and walked away.

His tears were lost in the rain.

\-----------------------------

The summer passed in a blur of family trips, barbecues and lazy nights in the garden. Sebastian lost count of the amount of times he tried to find Heikki, driving through Crescent Hill on every journey he made, even when he was supposed to be heading in the opposite direction. Scouring the streets, looking out for a glimpse of pale hair, or a burgundy jumper, but he always left disappointed. He realised - too late - that he had no idea where Heikki was staying, or who with or where he was working.

Before he realised it, Autumn was drawing in and it was time to head back to University. He made the journey alone, deliberately staying at a different hotel overnight, deliberately taking a slightly different route.

About five hours in he spotted a figure at the side of the road and his heart stopped. _It couldn’t be, could it?_  He allowed himself to believe for just a moment before he was close enough to see that the man was far too short and far too dark-haired to be Heikki. Sebastian cursed at himself and kept driving.

\------------------------------

Sebastian’s housemates at University knew that something was off with him, but neither said anything, only exchanging concerned glances with each other, and trying to make Seb have “just one more beer”. Because, of course, beer solved everything when you were 21 years old.

The morning of the first day of his third year of University dawned with annoying brightness and cheer, the Freshers laughing and walking around wide-eyed, the older students clutching paper cups of strong coffee in their hands. Sebastian had resigned himself to his fate by now and walked down the long path towards the main entrance, the trees lining either side turning orange with the oncoming Autumn weather. He watched a leaf fall as if in slow motion, drifting drifting, circling downwards only to land in the gravel. Perfect and symmetrical and rust-coloured, like a photograph from a book.

Sebastian crushed it under his shoe, soothed by satisfying crunch it made.

“Hey.”

A voice called to him. He looked up from the remains of the leaf and literally stumbled backwards.

He stood there, next to the fountain. All long limbs and broad shoulders and slightly longer blonde hair that was swept to one side. He had a backpack on his shoulders and was wearing a thin jersey jumper with the sleeves rolled up. _With the sleeves rolled up._  His right hand held a stack of books.

_Heikki._

_Heikki here._

Sebastian was struck dumb, as he often was when faced with this man. He blinked once, twice, three times. It wasn’t a dream - Heikki was standing a few metres away, reflections of light from the fountain’s water dancing on his cheek.

He stopped trying to form words and just ran.

For the second time Sebastian threw himself at Heikki, this time not launching himself up onto him, but wrapping his arms tightly around his torso, clinging to him tightly, his fingers slipping between the backpack and Heikki’s back, working into the fabric of the soft jumper, wanting to feel the ribs beneath. He smelled exactly the same, a combination of sunshine and snow that Sebastian breathed in greedily.

“Hello, Sebastian.” Heikki whispered into his hair, bringing one hand up to cradle the back of Seb’s head gently as the books clattered to the ground and his other arm came up around him. Sebastian just hugged him tighter, afraid that he might slip out of existence if he let him go again.

“Heikki.” He mumbled into his shoulder. “Heikki.”

“I believe that is my name, yes.” Heikki chuckled. “Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m here?”

Sebastian wasn’t ready to bring his head up yet, he still had his eyes scrunched shut and his face buried. “Don’t care.”

Heikki laughed and Seb’s entire nervous system ignited as if a match had been touched to it. He tingled from the tips of his toes to the spot on his head that Heikki was currently stroking. He shivered.

“Well, I’m a student here now, enrolled during the summer.” Sebastian’s eyes snapped open. “I don’t suppose you know of anyone who could show me around, do you?”

Seb brought his head up then, moving round to meet Heikki’s gaze, mirroring the wide smile on his face.

“I don’t know,” He said, toying with the hem of Heikki’s jumper. “I’m not in the habit of picking up strays.”

Heikki lightly ran his hand up Sebastian’s ribs, making him squeal and twitch violently.

“Kiss me, you idiot.”

The world coalesced into stars and lips and taste and _Heikki_ , the surrounding scenery fading to a grey blur around them, and Sebastian couldn’t help but think that picking up that hitchhiker at the beginning of the summer was the best decision he had ever made. 


End file.
